A TEXT POST

Battling

“You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.”
- Margaret Thatcher

Read this tweet earlier on and it reminded me on battling.

Sometimes we find ourselves battling with things of the past. Fears, insecurities, anxiety.. Or even those battles against such which we thought had been won.

I guess the truth is those battles had to be won not only once..but many times and constantly, all throughout our lives.

There sure are things that once overcome, is a done-deal. Settled and forever won. But there are others that will require our constant guard against and attention to once we feel a comeback.

Take for an example, me. I used to battle with much low self-esteem and always had the fear of rejection. I was always seeking for approval from people through the things I do and say and even the way I behave.

But thank God…He made me realize what a rut I was in and graciously brought people into my life who would love me enough to tell me the truth about myself. I slowly came out from that dark period of my life. It was terribly tough because it was a real battle, needing an immense amount of strength (inner strength) and lots of determination from myself..not to give up on the one person I had felt I should give up on - me.

So the battle had indeed been won. I finally am able to recognize what are the right thoughts about myself and what aren’t. I am able to know when I’m about to veer off that track of knowing who I really am into one which spirals down into despair and a sense of being rejected (not accepted).

But it also came to my realization that this battle is one in my life that needs to be constantly fought and won, time and time again. I cannot just leave my armor on the shelf and happily sit somewhere thinking the enemies aren’t coming my way anymore.

So I ready myself and find myself on battlefield again sometimes.

The beautiful thing is those battle scars remind us of our past victories and are a testament that we too can get out of our current battle alive and even more victorious than before.

Battle on, people. God’s on our side.

A TEXT POST

The race of life

I know this title sounds cliched…

So I have been trying to get myself on the running tracks..and I just did my second run - trying to get into a routine of running once every week. It has already been quite a feat. I for one, absolutely have zero desire to run and get myself sweaty and achy. Over the years, I have tried for a sparse number of times but each time, I was daunted by the toughness of getting started.

Fast forward to last week, I felt quite a sudden (you may say divine) surge of determination to really put on those shoes and get out there for a run. So run I did. Well, I would like to give myself some credit too because I think the determination reached its peak over a period of time. :) I guess it was there all along, building up within me - given my absolute dislike for running, there was still a teeny bit of knowing and belief that if I were to want to do it, I could very well do so and grow to love running.

Isn’t it the same for the many other things in life? If we were to want to study or work hard, we know we could give our very best and excel..wherever we are and in whatever we do. It lies in our want-to.

Something that spurred me on to run is the little bits of revelation I get whenever I do so. I have learnt that God speaks especially loud and clear in times like this..and there’s nothing I can do except to hear what He says. (I have chosen not to do-music while running)

So as I was running today with a bit of a hurting left knee, I found myself thinking about running the race of life. For one, it is not a sprint. It’s a super long-distance marathon, the full marathons of the full marathons. Stamina counts, for sure. And being consistent too. Slow and steady wins the race indeed.

Talk about being slow and steady.. I was with a female colleague who ran slowly and yet with each step forth, I could see the steady beat in her pace and it inspires me. Why do we look around and compare our race with another’s? Our lives are totally different from the person’s next to us..and I learnt that as long as we put whole focus into our own, that would be more than enough.

Though just two runs to my recent count, I have learnt to be patient particularly with myself. If we run this race feeling frustrated with ourselves the whole time, it wouldn’t do us any good. But if we would let ourselves run its course freely albeit the struggles and obstacles..we find that the race is much bearable and even enjoyable.

And indeed, the second is always better than the first as with the third than the second. I enjoyed my second so much more than I did for my first and it is in these little joys that I find the added strength and encouragement to look forward to being on the running tracks again.

Till the ache comes my way….

"The miracle isn’t that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start."
-John Bingham

A TEXT POST

Do you know..and a reminder to self

When in a relationship, it is a privilege of yours..because in the whole of this wide world, God has allowed the heart of that very person whom you like so much to be placed so closely with yours.

It is still wholly in God’s hands but now you have the one and only unique role to play - to treat that heart right and well, to cherish and love it and protect it well. It is a form of entrustment that God has given to you..and like any other, it must not be breached.

Just some thoughts here..plus a reminder to self on this. I want to always be in awe of God for giving me this awesome privilege.

And just a side note to all..it’s actually very good to be in awe. Just STAY in that place of being held in awe of God and His goodness.. I’ve learnt that this goes a really long way and a grateful heart’s developed on the inside before you even know it!

Goodnight.

A TEXT POST

A poem

Too short a time do we have on earth,
So why don’t we spend it on acts of love?

Why do couples quarrel when they can be at rest,
Why do families break up when they can withstand the test?

If with each breath we breathe,
Time is spent and gone..
Let us then choose to truly live,
And sing out our life’s song

A TEXT POST

Newness (2)

Something about being in a new season is that one has got to adapt to it. Quickly. Before it goes into another and more changes come. And this is what I find myself in now.

I am mightily blessed by what Pst Paul Scanlon had brought to the church last week because for a quite a while before that, I had felt a change - a shift in the atmosphere..and yet what I felt could only be placed into words when he came last week. A whole brand new season is here and we are right in the eye of this dynamic move of change.

But knowing that we or I myself for that matter is in this very new season is not enough. There must be a donning of the right clothes..the right kind of mindset, the right attitudes.

I just saw a little part of a Korean drama (My Princess)..the Princess in this story is one who came from a very ordinary background of living and had just been crowned due to her lineage..the fact that she’s a descendent of the royal family..and there are a few lines that really spoke to me:

Princess: It’s not easy being a Princess..I have to take pictures with the people and I have to listen to what each and every single one of them has to say.

Diplomat (her help/guide): Do you get it now? What you’re trying to do now is not some part-time job but to become a real princess. Handle whatever problems you’ll face one by one on your own terms.

Honestly, I feel those two lines are so for me. I get very ministered to by shows - the storylines and the script with all the carefully crafted exchange of lines..this is something which I feel God uses to speak to me a lot, through the years. A simple show or a simple line can speak into my situation or my life and greatly encourage me.

And so..this is where I am right now. Not a hireling, I am reminded. But a shepherd. One who takes care of the flock, not for his own selfish ambitions nor by compulsion (1 Pet 5:2-3) but willingly..being an example to the sheep. Let there be ownership. Let there be a pure heart and clean hands, always always always.

I feel like a Joshua. I have big shoes to fill. And sometimes I don’t know how to. At times, I don’t know what to do. But I do know WHO to look to..and I know that’s more than enough. May my eyes ever be set upon You.

So like today, sometimes I feel overwhelmed. But in a good way. I have been feeling an overwhelming sense of awe lately. And I don’t want it to be shaken off. I want to always carry it with me.

I know I am not peanut-sized. I know I can do great things for God albeit being just a single dot on this earth. I have always believed that I can change the world I live in in my own special way. I know, I know. But when more responsibilities are given to me, I still feel like wow, God..are You really calling me into this?

I feel awed by the fact that He can give me something that is so large, that I would feel scared because I do not know if I can properly “do this” and yet He can trust me with something of this magnitude.

I’m sorry if I am rushing into things here and you who are reading’s like ‘huh?’..recently, there came to be a need for a ‘Sunday group’ within my cg because we realised that there is a growing number of people joining/already with us who are working in the retail line or they have six-day work weeks and therefore could only make it to church on Sundays.

So..I am taking care of this group now and it is also a NEW in my life. Indeed, the year of 2012 is a year of so many new things. It is good. Springtime’s here and it’s time for hard work. And things accelerate during this season so may I always be prepared to be flexible, mouldable and available.

Back to point on adapting to the new season. I realised that there must be a realisation (haha..) to what is happening. There got to always be an awareness. Because only then can mindsets be changed, characters moulded and personalities fine tuned. If we are constantly aware of the changes taking place around us, we will constantly have a personal renewal of what’s on the inside of us. So that we ourselves are constantly re-aligned to what God is doing. He is a God who’s on the move. Sure there are times He slows down and steadies things but when the time comes for some charging forth to be done, let there be capacity, availablity and the movability to do so. Let me not stay stagnant. Let me get moving. Be a moving target. :)

And recently, I have been reflecting on what has actually happened to me from the start of this year till now..once again, I feel like I have already been through a year..much had happened. And it is good.

But there are times when all that has happened seem surreal…and that’s what I have been pondering on lately. LET THERE BE A CHANGE IN MINDSET. The old is now gone and the new has come. Let there be new wineskins for the new wine.

I find myself thinking of the newness in my life. Like how being a leader requires first the mentality and attitude plus character of one. And even being a girlfriend, requires the mentality and attitude plus character of one.

Ok, I know it’s been a long read. But thank you so much for reading, really. This post is something very personal to me and I wanted to pen it down as a reminder.

Bottomline and if there’s something you can take away from here is: You are equipped to do what you need and are called to do. Simply because you are called..means you are needed. But what is required is a constant change in yourself; from within. Know that you have what it takes. And then, just do it.

A TEXT POST

God’s best for me

Just recalled something Pst Aries said yesterday. He was talking about being thankful. And he came to the example of relationships. Like how sometimes he has wives or husbands coming up to him only to complain about their spouses.

Then he said something that hit me: He is God’s best for you (your personality).

The way he said it just got a hold on me. Gripping. What a truth. Let it always be held close to heart.

Apart from relationships, I believe it applies to all aspects of our lives too. Where we are right now in our career, studies, ministry..is where God wants us to be..His best for us.

Let me be found faithful, where I am

A TEXT POST

Never want to take You for granted

Thank You, thank You Jesus,
Thank You, thank You Jesus,
Thank You, thank You Jesus
In my heart~ahh~art ~
Thank You, thank You Jesus,
Thank You, thank You Jesus,
Thank You, thank You Jesus,
In my heart ~!

Just recalled this old nursery song of thanks that I was taught when I was a child. We were told to sing this whenever we said our grace and gave thanks for our food during mealtimes.

It’s stuck with me ever since.

And this Easter, I just want to sing it all over to God again.

Thank You, thank You Jesus in my heart..

A TEXT POST

It’s a slow, slow week. I woke up yesterday thinking it was already Friday and because of the workload, it did feel like I had been through the full work week..

One of those that actually puts you in a dilemma - on one hand, you cannot wait for it to be over while on the other, you are really thankful the week’s crawling because you have loads of work to complete by the end of the it. Hmm.

Nonetheless, it’s Thursday! Whoopee! :)

A TEXT POST

Breakthrough is coming

I think breakthrough is finally coming.

The past few days have been an experience of hitting a brick wall for me. Until this morn..when God spoke.

I’m feeling a sense of being lifted out from where I had been. And it’s good. :)

Gonna delve deep and meditate on the heart of the Father. Sometimes the simplest things require the deepest searching. And we realize that the deepest stuff are actually, very simple too. Ok, pondering!

A PHOTO

So, I just had been to my “first friend” (church)’s wedding!! Junping! We’ve known each other since we were twelve!

Oh my..and now he’s twenty-four, he’s twenty-four. And I am coming to twenty-four too..like what have I been doing?? Hahaha..ok, just some random thoughts that run through my mind from time to time.

Anyway, tonight’s just been very warmhearted and awkward..awkward because I was seated at a table with people whom I barely knew..but it all went well and the others whom I know seated at the other tables made up for it big time :D

That’s the thing about weddings. Even seat arrangement can be a headache sometimes..

The epic moment was when I asked Leon “why are you here???” and that’s another thing about weddings. You get to see people you never quite expect to. Haha..

Ok, just some weddings blah-blah. I am feeling good. 10mins to midnight and oh well, Monday!

Peace!

A VIDEO

"Most" The Movie (The Bridge) Music Trailer Video* (by tamim0007)

PK shared this clip during service yesterday. It was gripping. I finally “saw” how torn apart a Father would be to decide between saving his beloved son and saving the entire world..who did not even know (and some will probably never choose to believe even if they came to know of it) of his sacrifice.

But it was beautiful at the end..when the Father saw how his sacrifice paid off..the hurt of loss may still linger but seeing the lives of those who were initially on their way to destruction being turned around and changed for the better..he knew that it was all worth it. That his son had not died in vain. That though his decision cost his son his little life, he knew his son would understand his heart. Hmmmm..good to always ponder like this.

Is not it the same for us? When we come to crossroads and the need to make decisions is so pressing..and what’s at stake is actually something that we love very much..

We too will find that it’s all in all worth it. Because of the many who will benefit in time to come..simply because we made a choice.